Tuesday, August 24, 2010

What we did this weekend...

1. Although it was scheduled for Friday, on Saturday instead of being all day in the clubhouse, I sat all day babysitting a recently evicted tenant while she packed her stuff literally a day late into a POD.  A day late and oh yes of course several dollars short.  By the way, this is the tenant we had to evict when we took over course.  This has been going on since June.

It has been very drawn out and we actually had to pack her house because she could not get it together to do it and waits until the 11th hour to do anything.  We packed it and put it in storage so she was coming to reclaim her things and take them away.

2.  Then I had to deal with a 12 year old deputy who had to be called because Tenant (Jackass #1) and her male friend (Jackass #2) caused a scene when they first arrived to pack her POD.  They threw such a fit that they were told to leave our property... like 4 times.. and they said:


"What do you mean... no?"

Anyway, that thing is a POD by the way and what a handy invention.  It is a portable storage unit. They deliver, you fill, they come get it and store or deliver it somewhere else.

Anyway... unfortunately it turns out the deputy turned into Jackass #3 and got frustrated because he did not have a clue of what he was talking about... and I was arguing with him and he left.... without finding out why we called 911 in the first place.  I am actually considering filing a complaint... I never ever thought I would have to say that.

3.  During all of this commotion we had two large tournaments going on at the course with only David, myself, and a 16 year old to take care of business.  Of course David was at the clubhouse because I had to babysit Jackass #1 and Jackass #2 while they packed and the 16 year old had to sit down at one of the holes where a special game was set up because the organizer did not explain to people how that particular game was played.

4. Speaking of those tournaments, the second and larger of the tournaments mentioned above was set up in teams of 5 players which is a stretch as it was.  However, they tee’d off on time and we were pleased with our organization skills in the midst of all this craziness.  Those pats on our own backs however a little later turned into disappointment.  When David finally had the opportunity to go out and  check to see how the flow of play was going when they were near completion it turns out those groups of 5?  Well somehow they turned into groups of 6, 7 and 8.  They snuck people onto the course.  Yes folks. People were stealing golf from us... and here we had worked so hard to make the course pretty and make it a fun day for them. 

5. That very same Saturday night one of our neighbors who has a few BIG parties a year had a party that night.  “Big” meaning he roasts a pig, has a live band, lets people camp in their field.  It seems like they have a lot of fun, and they always invite us even though we can not go.  Although it is late it has never been a problem... until that night.  Some older teens thought it would be a good idea to sneak onto the golf course, steal flags, damage cups and greens, smash tee markers, break glass and throw garbage all over, etc.   This is what greeted David in along with the Sunday morning dew when he rushed out to the course to start mowing at about 5:30 am to get it ready for golfers.  Instead he had to park the mower, check the damage and clean up, and he went to the fence and started hollering waking up the revelers to get the owner to come talk to him or he was sending the Sheriff.  The owner was mortified and angry at his guests because he likes to be able to throw nice parties.  They blocked their exits and are hot on the trail of the young men. We will learn soon who it was. 

6.  Then on Sunday, because Jackass 1 and 2 are not done packing, I had to go down and sit watching them pack the rest of the POD and to make sure they cause no further property damage.  At this point however, it was going fine and I was joined by David’ s sister-in-law Judith.  I had never met Judith in person so this was very nice and we sat chatting while the packing was going on.  As we sat there I suddenly notice two men down in the creek bed under the bridge that goes to the tenants places.

These were not golfers. Well, they had golfed earlier that morning because I recognized them but this time these two mid-20 year old fellows were in their swim trunks floating, crawling, walking along the banks of creek that flows through the middle of our property with buckets...  filling the buckets with golf balls.  Their one flotation device was filled with beer and a big homemade looking jug of red wine.
I hollered, “What the hell are you doing down there?”

(Read their part like Dracula... and yes I know that Dracula was not Russian... just humor me please it was a long weekend.) 

One of the men said, “Ve are svimming.”

I said, “No you aren’t. Get up out of there right now and get off this property. You are trespassing.”

“NO. Ve are getting graaw-veesh”.

What do you mean... NO?   Get up out of there.  You are NOT getting crawfish. I can see damn well those buckets are full of golf balls. Now get up out of that water and leave.  You are not only trespassing but you are stealing.”

So I have to tell you it took a couple more times to get them up out of the water and the number of expletives per phrase on my part was starting to rise and get more colorful.  Sometimes I miss the star and we are really not getting this attitude when you tell people they are trespassing and that they need to get off the property... to leave our yard basically... and they say "No".  Think about it a minute... can you imagine having someone in your backyard and you tell them to leave and they refuse?  or at least they think they can refuse? That first person who gets arrested is going to be surprised I think.

When they finally climbed out, while they stood there dripping on the cart path holding buckets of balls, I called David and let him know what was going on.  I explained that I will be calling the sheriff department if the gentlemen do not leave in 5 seconds.  I hung up the phone and said “you dump out those balls, get your little floatie,  and walk your asses right up that road and off the property.”

Two Russian fellows that we like a lot and that had been visiting with David up at the clubhouse volunteered to come down and help me (Neither David nor these two men knew that the fellows I had pulled out of the river were also Russian it was just a coincidence… there is a large Russian Orthodox population in the area by the way.)  Anyway, when they showed up it turns out these fellows were related to these younger men and explained to the younger fellows that I was serious and that they should listen to me.

One of the swimmers then tried to bargain with me...

“Ok…. you closedat vone and zen ve vill go”  I told him “this isn’t a goddamned negotiation and now you’ve only got 3 seconds to start walking before I call the sheriff.”

They dumped out the balls and started walking out the back service road.  I walked behind them the whole way to the county road and then stood and watched them walk back down the street towards the parking lot of the golf course. 

 About 50 yards away one turned around and looked back at me standing there watching and yelled,

“Vvvuck you!” 
then he would tenderly walk another 10-15 feet and turn and yell
“Vvvuck you!” 

He did this about 3 more times.

Gotta love it.  One was barefooted….  I hope the pavement was piping hot.

When they got back to the parking lot those older men were waiting for them.  They had made a deal with David to not call the Sheriff, shook his hand,  and told him ominously:

“Dees vill be dealt viz at home.”


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