LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

This happened in May and I shared with just a few people through email... they got such a kick out of it I thought I would put it here. Enjoy:

We went 4-wheeling around David's Dad Jerry's property awhile back so we did not put on helmets. I decided instead to just throw on my old probation hat… (the one with the rather obvious star badge on it.)

Anyway... after we rode around a bit on the property and then we thought we would just cruise out across town. Gee whiz... it was a lovely day so why not?

Well, the three of us drive into town, go around a corner, and what the hell?!?! A State Police car is sitting on a side road, in a driveway… just sitting there with a trooper in it… looking at us.

Shit.

Of course... it’s not like she did not see us. The road took us directly in front of her for criminy sakes. David's waiving and smiling at her probably did not help. So we go on by her and are trying to pretend like nothing is wrong at all in the world… all while while buzzing along at about 10 mph on 4-wheelers.

Remember when you were a teenager and the cops came to break up the party and you tried to “maintain” like they would not notice that you were up to no good? I don't have any of those memories of course, but people have told me stories. Well anyway... that’s what we were trying to pull off and it did not work!

It was no good I tell ya!
The jig was up!

The trooper pulls up behind us, follows us for a little bit WITH HER LIGHTS ON…
then drives in front of me and David… cutting us off at the pass!

Jerry just kept on going pretending like he didn’t see a thing... the wiley white haired fellow and his pair of canine sidekicks made a clean get away!

Anyway... a very tall trooper steps from her car and her eyes immediately lock onto my hat. I never used to wear the damn thing out except when I was working in the field, on sweeps, or when we went to the range. To be honest, people act kinda funny when you have it on. But I thought I would just wear it... I mean heck… it’s MY damn hat anyway... I paid for it... I earned it… and after all, we WERE just going around on Jerry's property. Unfortunately, once we left his property we diverted from our path of lawful behavior to the dark side.

Well, I dunno if you ever watched the best tv show in the history of the world Northern Exposure but there was a female cop who would be on the show once in awhile named Sergeant Barbara Semanski. She was so cool.

Well, this trooper was the Michigan version... a tall, strong woman. No nonsense. Been a cop awhile. She comes over... right up to me... checks out the hat... and says.. “Where you from?”

“MendocinoCountyNorthernCalifornia” I said in one breath. (Almost sounded Mary Poppinish with the whole supercalifragilis...whatever)

She blinked, and said "Ooooooh. Your a deputy there. Hay?"

I said "well, actually not a Deputy, a Deputy Probation Officer..."

“Oooooh...” she says in a thick U.P. accented voice. (Imagine Police Chief Marge Gunderson in the movie Fargo.) She glances at David and back at me and says “looks like you two forgot something. Where are your helmets?”

My hand involuntarily flew to the top of my head. Geez, I would make a bad criminal. If I was a bank robber an officer would ask me… “so... do you have the money stolen from the bank heist?” and I would grab my backpack full of stolen money and say… “Uh.. no.”

What a goofball I am!

And then she asked “Do you have some ID?”

My hand grabbed at my back pocket. Dang!! There it goes again!

I didn't have any. I sheepishly admit "uh..... no."

She said, “Ooooooo.” Shakes her head and then says, “o.k. den.............. what’s yur name?” (remember… they are slow talkers up here so I am leaning forward waiting on each syllable… she probably thought I was crazy or goona jump on her or run or something stupid like that.)

I tell her my full name and then immediately spelled it out.. FAST. Like any self respecting normal California girl.

The Trooper’s eyes got big, she stopped writing and she said… "Geeeezz!!! Slow down girl! Dis is Michigan!" She starts waiving her hands around and says "We don't just rattle things out like dat."

( Oh man, things are not going well) The nervous giggles then start. Oh my gosh I sound like Woody Woodpecker. I was all embarrassed about my California-ness. "oh yeah... ok"

She shakes her head again and then looks at me. Looks at David and then stands there for about an hour… (meanwhile the crickets start singing in the background and there I am leaning closer and closer just waiting for her to talk again)

She then smiles at me, and asked for my name again.

In the end... she warned us but did not write us a ticket, "professional courtesy" she says.. "thank you for the job you do."

I shamefully did not correct her and say ‘the job I DID’ I just said “thank you.. and thanks to you for your work also.”

Then we drove away. phew. I still feel bad but I don't think she really wanted me to rattle on and on with my job information and moving and building etc. Ya know... Just the facts ma'am.

This however… was not our last contact. She just happened to be the trooper who arrived on scene when David wrecked his atv on the pavement.

At the accident scene, she came over to talk to me since I was the witness. She took one look at me, smiled slowly, and said...

“We’ve met.”